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Because I can’t resist a meme…

FQ1: Where did you live out your childhood years?

Without wanting to sound too Enid Blyton, in a little village next to the sea. (In the house in the middle of this picture, in fact) It wasn’t as romantic as it sounds – the sea in question was the Irish Sea, which is a) bloody cold and b) makes it rain in the little village seven and a half days a week.

FQ2: As a child, what was your favorite toy, book, television show, and cartoon character?

The toy would have to be Lego – although it’s not the same as it used to be, and I’m going to hold it against the offspring for the rest of their lives that they’re not really interested in it, thereby depriving me of a lawful excuse to play with it again. Favourite book is more difficult, simply because I read so many. A couple that stand out particularly are My Family And Other Animals by Gerald Durrell, or Swallows And Amazons because it’s set in the Lake District (which for the geographically-challenged, is just inland of aforementioned little village.) TV show is tricky, too – I was (and still am) fond of Morph, but he’s a character rather than a show. I suppose I’ll have to be boring and nominate Doctor Who. Cartoon character could be Morph, if he’s cartoony-enough, but failing that I’d go for Wile E. Coyote.

FQ3: Charm us with a favorite childhood memory…

Oh gawd, think of something suitably non-embarassing… Falling off my bike which resulted in my collection of china teeth. But that’s hardly suitable for a favourite. If it’s not too sappy, walking along the beach with the family Great Danes…

FQ PHOTO-OP: Show us a photo of just how adorable you were as a child.

I wasn’t adorable, I was a stroppy little shit. Plus ca change…

…is to insert details of the currently-playing iTunes track:

Free Fallin’ from the album Anthology Through The Years (Disc 2) by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

Clever…

Because I was away from home base last week, I’d checked on the availability of wifi in and around Aylesbury, which is where I was going to be pitched up for a few days. Aided by an offline database of hotspots, I’d made a mental note that the Holiday Inn just outside the town was going to be the ideal place to get online – although they’re not everyone’s taste, at least you can usually get a glass or a coffee mug refilled in a hotel lobby.

But if you are heading to the Holiday Inn Aylesbury for wifi – or for decent service, for that matter – forget it. They don’t have either. I pitched up, unpacked the Powerbook and started stumbling, only to find nothing. So then I got out the PDA and wandered around with that in case I’d decided to plonk down in a Faraday cage – but still nothing. Double-checking the offline database showed that yes, there was a Swisscom hotspot listed – but there was nothing to be seen.

So I decided to enquire of the receptionist. Big mistake. The question went something along the lines of “excuse me, could you tell me if there is wireless internet access available here?”, but in receptionist-speak it must have come out more as “excuse me, I am desirous of downloading hardcore spaniel porn, could you direct me to the nearest outlet where I can satiate my bestial desires?” I was given a look that you’d normally expect to be thrown in the general direction of spaniel-fiddlers, and told that no, she’d never heard of anything like that, and was I a resident?

As I wasn’t – and didn’t intend to be – I said no, I’d merely hoped to use the wireless and maybe drink one or two of their coffees. At which point she informed me that as I wasn’t a resident, she “wasn’t going to waste any more time dealing with me.”

Now I think – as far as I can be sure – that I’d asked her a civil question in a civil manner. Certainly I’d used the same tone as I’ve done a thousand times before when the conversation started “good evening, I’ve got a reservation”. Admittedly I was wearing jeans and a tshirt, but this is a Holiday Inn after all, not Claridges. And I’m sure I didn’t give the impression that I was merely there to freeload – after all, the wifi was going to cost the thick end of a fiver, and the coffee wouldn’t have been much less. So it wasn’t like I’d just wandered in off the streets to merely crap in their toilets (something of which I have occasionally been guilty of elsewhere – hotel loos being generally much cleaner than station loos…) All in all, it seemed like something of an over-reaction. Maybe she’d had a bad online experience once…

So should anyone from Holiday Inn be reading this, I won’t be patronising the Holiday Inn Aylesbury again, or indeed any Holiday Inn if I can possibly avoid it. If you’re not clued up enough in 2004 to have a hotspot, then you’re not getting my business, and I’m certainly not spending my money with a chain that employs graduates from the East German Immigration Service Charm School as receptionists…

…that the ADSL install at the new house has gone ahead without any problems. I’ll believe it once I’ve connected to it (call me a paranoid cynic if you will), but it’s a start. All I need now is a completion date, and life will be straight-forward once more…